On pronouns and self-protection
After a call I was on last week, about this Conscious Learning programme, I re-listened to what (we all and) I said [watch recording here] and spotted what was bothering me; I used ‘you’ instead of ‘I’ when expressing myself.
This is often (and most likely) a sign of self protection. So it is interesting to note that however much I do this work, I still feel the need to protect myself from telling myself what I clearly need to hear. If I can do it more consciously, next time I would say that ‘I need to accept… to become me’ which is clearly true for me but not for every body.
This is a great learning point (for me) as it exposes the fact that I don’t need to tell everyone about death and collapse. It raises the useful questions of who I tell and how I tell them. Most importantly it reminds me of what I (still) need to accept.
It is amazing to think that we are all going through these learning moments which (perhaps?) bring about collective transformations.
Thanks Diana for sharing your insight. Another thing that happens when a person says “you” or “we” when they mean “I” can be projection – speaking in general terms about an emotional phenomenon or an experience in a way that assumes everyone experiences the same. In my experience, this can have two impacts: it kills curiosity about the other’s own lived experience, and it creates distance, getting in the way of feeling connection, or vulnerability, or intimacy.
– “You know how it is…you think people will judge you so you tend to keep your true feelings to yourself”
– “I think people will judge me, so I tend to keep my true feelings to myself.”
The second expression feels more direct to me, more inviting of connection.
Have you participated in any of the DA Forum ‘Deep Relating’ circles? Two of the (five) principles that guide this practice are “own your experience” and “commitment to connection”, both of which really help to bring focus to this.
Deep Relating happens weekly, hosted by volunteer facilitators, details in the DA Facebook group events calendar: https://www.facebook.com/groups/deepadaptation/events